Dung Bombs
by G the Headmaster
Summary: Mundungus Fletcher was a thief. Mundungus Fletcher was a wizard. Mundungus Fletcher wasn't very good at either one.


**A/N This is a one shot story that is a spin off from Aftermath. Those of you who are into science fiction may have heard of an author by the name of "Doc" E. E. Smith. He wrote a series of books called the "Lensman" series. Some of the ideas for this story came from that series. I hope you enjoy it.**

 **The ideas I've used come from EE Smith and JKR. I make nothing from this writing. Your reviews are my only reward.**

Mundungus Fletcher was a thief.

Mundungus Fletcher was a wizard.

Mundungus Fletcher wasn't very good at either one. In fact he was a failure at both.

"If they catch me once more they will send me to Azkaban. And for sure I'll be there until I die." Mundungus thought to himself. "I have to make sure that they don't catch me." Out loud he actually said "I need to make a big enough score so that I can retire. Either that or make my magic stronger."

Mundungus did things he had never done. He thought. He researched ways of becoming a better wizard. He read books and advertisements.

He found exercises that would strengthen his magic. "Takes too long," he thought. "If I wanted to do that I would have stayed in school instead of dropping out."

He found an underground school that advertised how they could strengthen wizards' magical ability. "Imagine me going back to school at my age. As if they would even take me."

"I need something quick acting." he said. "A potion or a spell of some kind. I'm not getting any younger.

He found spells for blood magic that would give him power that he stole from other wizards once he defeated them. He was excited by that for a few seconds. "I'm a rubbish dueler. The only way I could defeat a strong wizard would be from ambush." He started trying to think of ways that he could ambush strong wizards and defeat them. "I know," he thought. "I'll go up to Hogwarts and ambush some of the older students. If I choose carefully they will be strong wizards who have not yet grown into their power. Wouldn't want to take a chance that one of them would hurt me. I could set up the ambush easily. With the war over no one would expect it."

Then he read further and realized that in order for the spells to work he would have to defeat the wizard in fair fight or get the wizard to willingly give up his power to him. "That's not going to happen in this lifetime." he decided. "Maybe I can defeat one of the better first or second year's and steal their magic. There must be some of them whose magic is strong but who haven't grown into it yet."

He read further. "Good thing I read this far. It doesn't matter whose magic is stronger. I would only get the magic that the person has already grown into when I defeat him. If I defeated a young wizard, I would only have the magic that the person has at that point in his life and not the magic that he potentially has when he has grown into it. That's no good either."

Everything he found was impossible for him to do. "I'll pay a visit to my contacts in Knockturn Alley. See if anyone there has any ideas or has ever heard of anything." he said to himself. That evening he went to the Diagon Alley entrance so he could see someone. Standing in the shadows he saw three women approach the magical wall. "What is Narcissa Malfoy doing here and who are those other two witches?" he wondered.

One of the other two reached up and tapped the bricks in the correct pattern but Mundungus was shocked. Instead of using a wand, she used her index finger. His shock was compounded when the wall opened and the three walked through. He froze until the wall closed up again. Then he went up to it and tapped on the correct bricks with his finger. Just as he expected, nothing happened. The witch who walked up in back of him laughed and said, "Are you drunk or something? You know you have to tap with your wand. Imagine if you could tap with your finger. Why we would have muggles and squibs coming into the alley. Now get out of the way." She pushed past him and tapped with her wand, opening the way.

As she walked through she brushed against him and Mundungus, true to his nature, took the opportunity to lift a pouch of galleons from her. He then waited until the bricks closed up and turned to the bar to order a drink. Once it came he drank it down, he left money on the bar to pay for it and went to the men's room. He transferred the galleons to his moneybag and disposed of the stolen pouch. "Now I feel better. A drink under my belt and some extra money in my bag. Let me get to Knockturn alley to meet Gerry."

He went back to the wall and tapped the bricks, this time with his wand. The opening appeared and he went through. Just as he walked through he stopped. "That's who they were!" he said aloud. Then he continued in his mind. "The two with Malfoy were Arabella Figg and Petunia

Dursley. I remember them from when Dumbledore had me watching Harry Potter at the Dursley house. He paired me up with Figg. But both of them looked different. Wait how did a squib and a muggle get in here. They're not magical. Malfoy couldn't have done anything. I read that she cannot use magic for six months."

Suddenly he heard "Move it Dung! You're standing there blocking the entrance. Do I have to call the Aurors?"

"No Tom. I'm moving. Sorry I just had a thought and froze." he responded.

"You? A thought? Who you going to rob now?"

"No, Nothing like that. You know I've turned over a new leaf since they caught me with those bogus cauldrons I got stuck with. I'm going straight now." he said as he made tracks out of the middle of the path.

He went directly to a bar in Knockturn Alley here he ordered a drink and took it to a dark corner. He sat there nursing his drink for a while, until an acquaintance came in. "Gerry," Mundungus called "Buy you a drink?"

Gerry ordered a drink and came over to sit with Mundungus. They shot the breeze until the waitress brought over the drink and a refill for Mundungus. When he paid he and she left, Mundungus grabbed Gerry's hand and told him what he had seen at the magic wall. Before he could get to the part where he recognised the two women, Gerry stopped him. "You must have seen Pet Evans and Bell Figg." he said. "Arthur Weasley has them working for the ministry babysitting Narcissa Mal- no she changed her name back to Black. He had the goblins make some kind of necklaces that allow them to enter Diagon Alley and even use the floo network."

"What! Even though one is a muggle and the other is a squib?" Mundungus asked incredulously.

"Yeah, Something about a gene, whatever that means, that they have that they could pass on to children. The necklaces work with that and allow them to do some kinds of magic. Here read about it." Gerry said standing up and taking a newspaper out of his pocket. "Thanks for the drink, See you around."

Mundungus read the article from beginning to end. Then he read it a second and even a third time. "Imagine that. These necklaces allow someone with no magical ability, not even one instance of accidental magic, to do some magical activities. I wonder what they would do if a real wizard was wearing them. I bet if I wore one it would make me a more powerful wizard. I'm also willing to bet that the other one would be worth a lot on the black market. This will take some serious planning."

Mundungus Fletcher was a failure at a lot of things. Most of the time he failed because he didn't plan. When he did plan he didn't think things through. This time he swore that he would plan completely. This time he swore that he would think through every eventuality. He started by watching the houses on Privet Lane. Especially number 4. "I don't believe it. They live together now. With Narcissa no less. Are they 'involved' I wonder?" He said to himself with a leer. He began following them around, For all the things Mundungus was a failure at, he was a master of following someone without them knowing it.

One evening he followed them to the Leakey Cauldron. When they asked for a table in the back, he stood in the darkest corner under the balcony. He watched when the 8th year students from Hogwarts came in and sat at the table. He watched as three drunks tried to pick them up. He even watched the ruckus when Hagrid jumped down from the balcony to grab two of the drunks while the headmaster suspended one up at the ceiling. He began to have second thoughts.

Mundungus Fletcher was adept at reading people's faces and body language. It seemed that his two marks were involved with Rubeus Hagrid and Severus Snape. Even though the four of them might not realize it yet and definitely were not admitting it even to themselves he could clearly see it. "Maybe this isn't worth it. If they catch me I don't think I would make it to Azkaban." He shuddered as he said that to himself. I'm going to have to find a way to do this job away from wizards and then immediately lose myself.

He continued to follow them for the next several weeks. The three women would go into muggle London. They took the underground every morning to attend some muggle school and returned home on it every evening. While they were in the school, he hung out in a coffee shop where he could watch the doors and wait for them to come out. One morning while having his coffee and sweet bun, he watched a young man walk up behind a woman. Suddenly the young man ran at the woman grabbed the chain around her neck and dashed into the underground with it. When the coppers came, he overheard them talking about the rash of "chain snatching" the was happening in London. "It's spread here from New York I think. " one of them said. "The crook snatches the woman's gold chain and runs straight into the underground and jumps on a train. If it's timed right, he's gone almost before the woman realises what happened."

It was like a light bulb went off in Mundungus' head. "That's it! That's the plan for me. I won't even be suspected. They'll think it was one of these muggle chain snatchers!" He smiled and then said aloud "Perfect!"

One of the bobbies heard that and turned to Mundungus saying "Excuse me guv? Did you say something?"

"Huh? Did I say that out loud? I was just thinking that my coffee was perfect today. Sorry." Mundungus sputtered. Internally he said, "I almost blew that one didn't I."

He continued following them every morning until he though he had the timing down just right. He knew they arrived every morning on the 8:30 train. As they came up from the underground he would dash between them, grab the chains and run down the steps to catch the 8:35 going in the other direction. There was even a dark alcove on the steps that he could use to apparate to his flat in Knockturn Alley if the train didn't come on time. The only wild card was if Narcissa was between the two women instead of them being next to each other. "I only want to do this once." he said to himself. "I'll watch and the first opportunity when they are lined up right, I'll strike. Nothing can go wrong!"

He was in position Tuesday. The three women came out of the underground with Narcissa walking in the middle. "Damn" thought Mundungus.

He was in position Wednesday. He saw Evans and Figg come up the stairs next to each other and got himself ready. Then he saw Narcissa right behind them. "If I do this now, I'll run right into Malfoy! Damn tomorrow they will line up right. I can feel it."

He was in position Thursday. He saw Narcissa come up first. She was walking toward the left side of the staircase. Then he saw his two marks walking together on the right side. They got to the top talking and laughing with each other. Just as they took three steps away from the stairs he sprang into action. He dashed toward them, snatched the chains from around their necks and began to run down the steps. When he took the first step the two women were jerked backwards. The didn't break. Arabella gasped "Dung?"

His reaction was "Shit!" Then both necklaces unclasped from around toe women's necks and he said "Yes!" in exultation taking off for his getaway. Before he could take a third step or say another word he dropped to the ground and rolled lifeless down the stairs into the dark alcove.

The three women ran down the stairs to his body. Narcissa bent down and reached for the necklaces. Arabella screamed "NO!" and pushed her out of the way. "Remember that Arthur said they were only safe to touch if we were wearing them! If you touched them they would have killed you."

Suddenly they were joined by five Aurors and Arthur Weasley. "The alarms went off! What happened Cissy?" asked Arthur.

"We were coming out of the underground to go to our computer school and suddenly that man came out of no where, grabbed Arabella and Petunia's necklaces and tried to run down the stairs. Then he just fell to the ground and rolled down the stairs. Bell called him Dung. That's all I know, Arthur."

"That explains it." said Arthur. Looking at Pet and Bell he added, "Remember I told you that if anyone held the necklaces when you were not wearing them it would kill them by interfering with and absorbing their magical core. That's what happened and why my alarms went off."

"That's what must have happened to that poor man." said Petunia.

That's no poor man." said Arabella. "That's Mundungus Fletcher and he was a thief and a wizard."

"He wasn't very good at either one was he?" asked Narcissa.

 **A/N Well what did you think. Please let me know. If you want to learn more about Narcissa, Pet and Bell you will have to read Aftermath.**


End file.
